Thursday, April 16, 2015

Swimming is overrated

How many times a week must I be reminded that I'm a crappy mom?  

I think I may have mentioned a time or two on my blog that I hate swimming.  Despise it.  How is it likable to anyone? 
 First, you have to put on a swimsuit.  Blah.  Maybe if I was tan and size 4 I wouldn't mind but since I am neither of those two things I do mind.  I mind a lot.  If swimsuits were banned forever I would be completely okay with that.  More than okay, actually.  Unless that meant people would be swimming in the buff, then I take it all back.  Swimsuits are glorious!
Second, you have to pick your swimming location:  murky lake/ocean/pond water or a swimming pool.  Neither one is a go in my book.  Murky water = weird creatures that you can't see swimming at your feet and possibly dead people (I've seen one too many scary movies).  Swimming pools = other people's nasty bodily stuff.  Pee, snot, hair....excuse me while I go vomit now.  

So to the point of this post.  My kids can't swim because I suck and I hate water.  Dilon had to go swimming for Scouts last night and couldn't pass anything off.  He is 11 and can't swim.  He told his leader it was my fault and went into some story about my repulsion of water.  I'm sure his scout leader was super impressed with me at the moment. Dilon was totally embarrassed for his lack of water skills which left me sitting in bed awake all night (I'm completely exaggerating....I love my sleep) feeling guilty. If he can blame me I can blame him too.  I put the kids in swimming lessons last year and not one of them learned a thing. I'm convinced 10 was not too late in life for him.  By that age he should have just jumped right in and taken off.

My goal for the summer of 2015:
Have at least 1 kid who can swim enough to stay alive (or pass off scouting requirements) by the end of summer.  Now how many trips to Cafe Rio will I have to give up to put them in private swimming lessons? 

Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Get your grubbly little fingers out of my pink milk!

Can someone please explain this picture to me.  The boys wanted some Lucky Charms, I say there's always room for Lucky Charms so I made myself a bowl too.  Tell me, why do they have to pick through mine when they just ate their own?  Look down boys....your cereal is right there in front of you. Right there. To just eat one meal that little fingers haven't been digging through would be awesome.

So did you notice the pink milk?  That would be Dilon.  If you notice the date of this post it is April Fool's Day.  Dilon woke himself up in the middle of the night to take care of some business. He decided to open all the milk in the fridge and color it.  Pink, blue, green or yellow milk anyone?

The kids are really starting to dig this April Fools stuff.  
Some of the happenings:
frozen socks
drawn on faces
colored milk
colored toilet water
underwear put on heads while sleeping
something that involved tape....still not sure what that was about
clothes that were set out for school being swapped
balls pushed in the toes of shoes (I swear it took grif a good 5 minutes of freaking out that something was wrong with his shoe before he actually decided to look in there to see dax had stuffed it with paper towels and a ball)
and the good old tape the faucet sprayer down so it gets mom wet when she turns on the fooled me last year, didn't happen again this year! Ha, dilon!  I win.