HaPpY BiRtHdAy DaX!

Yesterday my little dax man turned 4.  We didn't really do anything, only spent about 20 bucks on his presents, and he still thought it was the greatest birthday ever.  Love this kid.  Happy Birthday Dax!

 Grandma Squeaker did it again.  Thanks for the super cute cake.

 Yep, Christmas wrapping paper for a June birthday.  Seriously, he's 4.  He doesn't care.  And in case you were wondering, I have no idea what grif is doing.  Dancing maybe?  He can rock some awesome dance moves.

I used to love going to Target

I was this close (picture me holding my thumb and pointer finger centimeters apart) to being thrown into the slammer.  Seriously, I was a little scared. 
It all started a couple of days ago when I had the bright idea to take the four kiddos to Target.....all by myself.  Really I had no choice.  My dad got married yesterday and the kids needed something to wear that didn't have a truck on it.  Or a dog.  Or a stain.  So off to shop we went.
Let me rewind just a bit.  Since school has been out grif and dax have made it their goal each and every day to torment the crap out of each other.  It is getting ridiculous.  They can't sit by each other, look at each other, breathe on each other.  So on the drive to Riverdale I am trying to keep the peace with them all and told them I would buy them pizza if they were good and didn't bug each other.  I am absolutely not above bribery.  So as soon as we walk in Target's door grif heads straight to Pizza Hut.  Excuse me sir, you have to earn that personal pan.  Get over here please, we are shopping first.  That's when it all began.  He started throwing a tantrum.  Yelling, kicking, calling me stupid.  I did my best to ignore it and headed to the clothes. Well ignoring him just added fuel to the fire.  He started punching the walls.  So I very calmly (serious sarcasm there) walked over to him and grabbed him by the arm, probably harder than I should have, got down in his face, and explained to him that he had better stop or there was going to be some serious problems.  I can only imagine what my seriously irritated face looked like to the security guard who was watching us over the camera.  How do I know the security guard was watching us?  Oh she came and approached us about 2 minutes after that little incident.  She wanted to know if everything was OK.  No lady, I want to kick my kids keister up over his shoulders.  Obviously I did not say that to her.  I just smiled and said everything was great and went on my way. 
I went on to explain to grif that the cop was watching us on the camera and she was going to arrest me for fighting with him.  More awesome parenting skills, I know.  Hearing that and seeing her in uniform must have scared him just enough that he was super good for the next 20 minutes.  But after he forgot about it, it was all down hill from there.  Grif and dax started screaming and running through the aisles and I didn't dare do anything about it for fear of being arrested.  I just know I was being watched over the cameras the rest of my shopping trip.  But dang it, grif looked cute in his new clothes at the wedding.

Jump Zone

Spent a little time at the Jump Zone yesterday.  Thank you Kennedy for having a birthday.  The kids loved it.  I was wanting to bring out my inner gymnast but decided against it.  Heaven knows my body doesn't bend that way anymore.  Or ever did. 

Lagoon.....my head is still spinning.

There's only one place in the near vicinity you pay a butt load of money to scorch your skin, blister your feet, sweat buckets of bodily fluid, be surrounded by every type of person imaginable, and make yourself sick........Lagoon.   Every year we hear the dreaded begging to go.  For the last couple of years we haven't been able to.  As soon as the snow melted and the weather warmed up the kids were begging to go again.  Since it is ridiculously expensive for this family of 6 to go we told the boys the only way we could do it was if it counted for their birthdays.  No going out to dinner, no going bowling or to a movie or to the fun park. Just cake and ice cream at home. I for sure thought they would say forget it, but nope they wanted to go to Lagoon.  I don't hate going but it's a once every two or three years thing for me.  I would much rather save those pennies for Disneyland, which for some reason I kept dreaming about all night after we got home from Lagoon.  Anyway, here is our family fun day.  Most of the pics are of Bay and Dax but that's because Dilon and Grif think they are too big (and too cool) to go on the kiddie rides. 

 Nate is obviously thrilled to be there.  

He was actually such a trooper to hang out at the little rides so I could take the older two to the big rides. 

Nate and I have decided we are getting old.  It was a battle to see who had to ride the big rides with Dilon when Grif didn't want to go.  We can't handle them anymore.  Maybe next time we should invite friends and they can do their own thing.  

The kids loved it so I guess in the end the lobster looking skin and blistered feet are worth it.  But here's to hoping that the next time I post pictures of an amusement park on here there will be giant mouse ears in the photos. 

swing batter batter

It's baseball season.  Dilon opted out of football this year and replaced it with baseball.  I am totally fine with that.  So much less time consuming.  And so much less barbaric.  However he did get nailed in the back with the ball yesterday while he was batting.  When I asked him why he didn't duck I got an eye roll and a very matter of fact "because then it would have nailed me in the head".  Excuse me for asking.  Isn't that why they make you put the helmet thing on when you bat?

Yes his baseball pants may look a bit short but they are the only ones that fit his freakishly small waist.

So far they are 2-0 for the season.  Off to a great start.

I tried and tried and tried to get Grif to sign up too but he wouldn't have anything to do with it.  I have decided it is my life long goal to find something that boy enjoys to do that is the least bit athletic.  He could put on a flippin leotard and tumble across the floor for all I care.  As long as he is happy and is somewhere other than camped on the couch.

I refuse to believe

Soooooooo........any other stay at home moms out there want to go on vacation with me for the next three months?  We will be back around the end of August.  Just as school is starting up again.  Some days I think I am a terrible mother for thinking such thoughts.  I was reading an article not long ago on a woman who was dreading summer vacation for her kiddos and I could so relate to her.  I was reading the follow up comments and one woman wrote that she was a bad mom.  If she didn't want her kids home with her why did she have so many.  This "perfect" mother continued to say that she had only one child so that she could concentrate fully on her kid and that she is a great parent because of it.  That's great if she only wants one kid, more power to her.  But dang her if i'm gonna let myself feel like a terrible mom just because I have 4 and my attention has to be divided between them.  Whether we decide to have none, one or ten, why do we constantly have to judge each other?

 I refuse to feel bad for wanting my kids in school because it gives me a break.  It also gives my kids a break.  They need time away from me and nate and the other kids just as much as I do.  I don't mean that hurtful or rude, it's just the way it is.
I refuse to let myself think I am a bad mom because I don't want to go pass a ball out in the yard 24/7.  Sometimes I need to say no.  For my own sanity.  I make up for it by being on the front row of the bleachers cheering at every game they play.
I refuse to think I am a bad mom because I let my 8 year old have cereal for 2 out of 3 meals today.  Sugar cereal to boot. 
I refuse to believe I am a bad mom because I had to pop my 3 year old's mouth today.  I know, I know. It's not okay but I was at a breaking point.  I couldn't listen to him tell me no, call his brother a dumba**, laugh at me when he ran away for the tenth time, or spit at me one more time.  He will know it's not okay.  He will learn to respect others and treat them kindly. 
I refuse to believe I am a bad mom because my diabetic kid's blood sugar was over 500 one day and in the 40's the next.  Nor do I consider myself a bad mom because I don't get up at 2 a.m to make sure he hasn't dropped low again.
I refuse to believe these things make me a bad mom because I am a good mom.  I may not do 2 a.m. sugar checks nightly but it's because I have faith that he is okay.  That I can trust my motherly instincts to tell me when I need to be there for him. 
I refuse to believe I am a bad mom because I do yell at them sometimes.  I have told myself over and over again not to yell at them.  Then someone spills an entire jug of orange juice and that's the first thing I do.  I yell.  Then I regret it and apologize because I don't want them thinking I am the mom who always yells.  But this is reality.  It happens and i'm sure it will happen again.  Each morning is a new day and I will try to be a little more patient than the one before. 
I refuse to think I am a bad mom because I can't keep up with the perfect pinterest birthday parties or make homemade Valentine's each year.  
I refuse to believe I am a bad mom because I won't let them get away with whatever they want so they are not mad at me.
They will be mad at me and I will be mad at them.  That's how a family works.  But then we get over it.  We move on and we still love each other.  I'm going to make mistakes.  I'm going to make my kids hate me.  I'm going to want to ship them out the door to school.  But the amazing thing is, I still have all these great mom moments.  Moments when we are playing ball in the yard and I get hit in the head because I can't catch.  There are amazing mom moments when I can get them to eat all their vegetables for dinner.  Amazing mom moments when that little smiling mouth that spit on me ten minutes earlier is now kissing me on the cheek.  Moments when they are sleeping and I just know they are perfect.  And they are mine. 
So just because I may think at times that I am ready to pack up and run away for the summer, I know it is only a fleeting moment.  That as soon as that thought crosses my mind it can quickly be erased when I hear an "I love you, mom" and I can say it in return and mean it with my whole heart.  And because of those amazing mom moments, I can refuse to believe I am a bad mom.