I have been debating about whether or not to make a blog book. You know, print this out so I actually have some form of a journal that I can say I did because the real journal thing is not working out so well for me. I was re-reading my posts to see if it would be worth the money or not (came to the conclusion that my random thoughts are not worth that amount of money) and I discovered that I am very redundant. These are the things I seem to never shut my trap about:
1. My super awesome baby weight I can't lose
2. Baylor and his health issues when he was born
3. Nate being back in school
4. Dilon and his diabetes
I was completely bored with myself while reading my last post because I had said too much of the same things already. So here's to devoting an entire post to not saying anything about those four things (just forget about the fact that they are actually already in it). I was going to add my duties as a mother to the list because, lets face it, I talk about that all the time too. However, that is so much a part of my life there is no way I can go without talking about my kids (and nate) with this. So here's a bunch of randomness that has been happening with life the last little while.....
**Nate and I actually went on a date the other night. I swear it has been eons since we have done that. Talked about going to the temple (since it's been eons since we have been there too) but decided to use our free movie tickets we got for Christmas instead. Big mistake. Crappy movie. Should have known to get our butts to the temple instead. I honestly couldn't even tell you the name of the movie right now, that's how awesome it was.
**I have taken Grif to a few counseling sessions for his anger management issues. Thought we were making some good progress. I dug into my inner calm when he would start to erupt. Calming myself down is supposed to help calm him down. That lasted until he threw a toy at my wall then my ocd squashed my calm and that was the end of that. I'm thinking it might be a good idea for me to see a counselor of my own. When grif is happy though his smile lights up my world.
**Dax has decided that the alphabet contains 4 letter m's .......hijkmmmmp........ he has also been suffering from headfakes lately. I hope they find a cure soon because according to him they hurt sooooo much. Until then, Tylenol will suffice.
**Baylor is following in grif's footsteps and has also become a headbanger. When he wants something and I won't let him have it he hits his head on the wall/fridge/door/my leg until he has a nice goose egg. Or until I feel guilty and give in to his little tantrum.
**Baylor is also rockin some super cute buck teeth (cute now. Not so cute when he is a teen and we are paying for braces). That's what we get for nate (still) making fun of his poor sister for her bucky beavers when she was a kid. Karma always comes around to bite ya in the butt.
**Dilon's newest obsession is to get a six pack. Not sure what a nine year old needs one for but I have caught him more than once doing sit-ups in his bed at night. He has a two pack (or so he says) that he is pretty dang proud of right now. Wonder where he gets his body image issues from.
**Nate decided to bic his head. Not going to share that lovely picture with you. I think it is safe to say he won't be doing that again any time soon.
**I have gone for........well I don't know how long but I have gone for what seems like decades without a pepsi. Baby steps to a healthier me (notice how I didn't mention anything about losing weight. It's about getting healthy now).
**I have come to the sad realization that I will always be surrounded by a symphony of bodily sounds. I guess that's what happens when you live with a house full of boys. Maybe we should try for that girl after all..........(nate did you just have a heart attack?)
So while I may get hung up over the same things all the time and repeat myself all too often in some of my posts I will try to be better. Here's to hoping I can move forward and not talk about the past so much. I think this video sums it up best when it says "May your past be the sound of your feet upon the ground
Carry on, carry on"
Plus this song makes me happy. Go ahead, take a couple minutes and give it a listen. If you're anything like me you will push repeat a time or two (or twenty).
and just so you know I am super proud of myself for actually being able to load a video onto my blog. I hope it actually plays now.
If wishes were fishes we'd all have a fry. I used to always hear that from my grandma bloxham growing up. She is a very wise woman. I didn't really know what it meant until I got older. I was having another pity party for myself the other night wishing that some things were different. Then I stopped to think why?
Every time I walk by the mirror I wish I was a size 6 again. If I still was would I have these 4 little men that call me mom?
I wish we had a bigger house with more room. If we did would we be any happier? Everyone in different rooms doing their own thing instead of being with each other.
I wish dilon and baylor didn't have to go through their health struggles. If they hadn't, would we have learned to deal with trials that may come our way and become stronger because of them? Why am I not more grateful just knowing that I have my boys here with me. I still have a 9 year old to give shots to. I have a baby that I could go hold in the hospital when he was so sick. That is all that matters.
I wish our checkbook had a much bigger number in it. If it did would I be as grateful as I am for the stuff that we work so hard for?
I wish nate would have finished school ten years ago so we weren't struggling with it now. If he had would he have learned what he is now? (I'm not talking about what he is learning in school.)
Why am I wishing my life away? It is great. I am so blessed and so thankful to have what I have. I was feeling all bummed again yesterday when we got an unexpected bill in the mail (aren't those the best) from when baylor was born. They seem to think we still owe them $25,000. My heart sunk and I got so irritated thinking why does this always happen to us and, of course, wishing that it wouldn't. I need to just remember we are so lucky to have such great medical care at our fingertips. What if we lived somewhere that didn't have all of this readily available? Our lives would be so much different. So I need to stop wishing for it all to go away.
There are so many days I wish baylor and dax would just relax and stop getting into everything. If they did, I would miss the moments like this....
.....this is what it is all about. Making the best of what you have.
The way things have worked out in my life make me who I am today. No need to wish for anything else. I can gladly say I won't be looking for my magic lamp any time soon.
I hate when I get a phone call in the middle of a post and push publish instead of save. Yet again, if you are just joining me you might want to read the previous 2 posts to understand this one. Is it bedtime yet?
5:35 p.m. - Load everyone in the car to take one kiddo to scouts. My foot hurts from stepping on the army man that was left in the middle of the kitchen. Dinner is in the oven, table is half-way set. I quietly sneak into the bathroom because I can't hold it another second longer. I forget to lock the door. Soon I am surrounded by these little people that keep saying the word mom. Don't they get sick of hearing that come out of their own mouths. Looks like my potty break is cut short.
6:00 - Dad is finally home! Anyone else have a headache from all the screaming that has happened today? Of course the kids are excellent for dad.
7:00 - Dishes again? Didn't I just do this. Dad has to run, he has school tonight. My plate is still full of cold food which I will never actually have the chance to eat. Somebody else always has to be fed first (baby who still thinks he can eat on his own and still, very clearly, cannot). What was that sound? Did someone knock their milk off the counter? If you boys would stop hitting each other this wouldn't happen every time. Dad is out the door to class. Can I go too please?
7:30 - Bath time. Older boys in the shower, younger boys come with me. I fill the tub and start to scrub little bums. I lost the soap in the water. Found it! Nope, little man has done it again. Seriously, does he ever stop pooping. Drain the tub, scrub my own hand until it is raw, sanitize, and start to fill the bath tub for the second time.
8:00 - The beginning of bed time routine. Everyone brush your teeth. Check your sugar. Make sure you pee. Get into bed. "but mom, i'm hungry." Are you kidding me? I make a snack, clean up the kitchen once again and tuck four littles into bed. Time to sit down and relax.
8:15 - I hear little feet running in the kitchen. "Get back into bed". "But i'm hungry". "No, you're not. Get a drink and get back to bed". Repeat at least 3 more times.
9:00 - Finally everyone is asleep. I jump in the shower. Think of everything I didn't get done for the day. Instead of accomplishing something, I sit down at the computer instead.
10:00 - Hubs is finally home from class. Goodnight I am going to bed. Check to make sure all kids are accounted for and breathing.
11:00 - Hubs offers to give me a back rub. I pretend to sleep because I know what "back rub" really means.
12:15 a.m. - There is a 3 year old sitting on my face again.
Now that half of the kiddos are in bed (asleep? probably not, but in bed) I can finish my previous post. If you are just joining me you may want to read the prior post to understand what is going on.
1:00 p.m. - Lunch is done and cleaned up. I was able to grab myself a tuna sandwich, I don't even like tuna. Got my deodorant on. Time to head to the store. Get the kids layered up in coats, boots, gloves, etc and load them in the car. Someone stinks. Take everyone out. Great news! It's a major blow out. How can someone so small create such a mess. Get him cleaned up, another load in the laundry and make our second attempt at heading to the store.
1:20-2:00 - Grocery shopping done! I only lost the 3 year old once so I would call that a pretty successful shopping trip. Spent more than the checkbook said I had, what else is new?
2:15 - Unload kids and groceries. The hubs gets home for lunch and actually wants me to cook him something. Are his hands broke? He has just been working so hard today that he needs a break. Wonder what that would be like. Make and clean up 33 year old man's lunch. He gives me "the look" and tells me he wants dessert. I roll my eyes and walk away. Which reminds me to double check that I took my birth control for the day.
3:00 - good-bye hubs, welcome home other two kids. How was school? Wait, did either of you comb you hair today? "No" How about brush your teeth? "I think so." I take that as a yes and figure one for two is not so bad.
3:15 - lets start homework. Yay. 7 year old decides he is starving and can't wait to eat. To avoid another scream fest I make a snack. Clean up half the snack from the counter top and floor. Lets try to start homework again. 9 year old is already done while 7 year old has only pulled his folder out of his backpack. I tell him "great try, but that is not the correct answer on your math assignment. I get a pencil thrown at me. We will attempt homework later. Baby is hanging on my leg again. What? Stinky AGAIN. Where does it all come from. 9 year old has been bugging for 20 minutes to play the wii. I finally have had enough of his whining and give in, but only for 15 minutes. That somehow turns into an hour.
5:00 - Homework is finally done. 3 year old wants to eat. Guess his fish lunch didn't hold him over, wonder why? 7 year old wants a turn on the wii. I'm past the point of arguing so I cave and let him play. Time to start dinner. Wait, scouts is in 10 minutes. 9 year old needs to change pronto and grab a snack. We are late.
I get asked a lot of questions most days. There is one that I get quite often and nothing irks me more than when I hear it (especially from nate)......"what do you do all day?". I eat chocolate and watch soap operas all day long, just like all the stay at home mom's do.
Let me give you a little glimpse into the life of this mom.
12:45 a.m. - This is about the time that I have a 3 year old scrambling into my bed. Smashing my legs and sitting on my chest trying to find a spot between the hubs and I. If I have to pee I get up, take him back to bed, then go back to bed myself.
1:15 - I have a 3 year old trying once again, only a little more sneaky this time, to get back in the middle. I give up. I would rather get kicked in the kidney's for a few hours than get out of my warm bed again.
2:30 - I am staring at the ceiling listening to the hubs snore, stop breathing, snore louder until finally his monstrous sounds lull me back to sleep.
3:45 - I wake up screaming from my deep sleep because I just have that feeling someone is watching me. The 9 year old is now hovering over my face crying. He is scared. Well that makes two of us. Tell him to go climb in the 3 year old's bed and try to go back to sleep.
3:50 - all the commotion of the before mentioned 9 year old woke up the babe. Swap out the 3 year old (who is still sleeping in the middle) with the baby, let the 9 and 3 year old squish into a twin bed together for comfort. Pee again, why not, i'm already up. Go back to bed.
7:15 wake up to a baby slapping me in the face to the rhythm of the alarm that is now going off. Let the day begin.
7:18 to 8:15 - wake up the kiddos. 7 year old decides he wants to stay home from school because his feet hurt. Uhm, I don't think so. Get kiddos dressed, make 7 year old change his pants that are dragging on the floor because they are a foot too long. Big mistake. Yelling match 1 begins. I win, don't mess with mama bear in the morning. She's a bit growly from lack of sleep. We have round 2 of yelling when said 7 year old tries to wear too small of a shirt. Seriously?! Time to clean out the closet. 5 different breakfasts are made. Yelling match 3 with 7 year old begins when I hand babe a slice of his toast. I guess when he said he wanted 2 pieces he wanted 2 full pieces. So sue me. Blood sugars checked. Milk spilled. Dad is no where to be found. Babe screaming for more of the toast he can't have. Egg burning on the stove. Clock says 8:07, dad is late. Kids can't find hat/ gloves. Mom to the rescue once again. Shoo half the family out the door. Time to clean up the tornado that struck the kitchen.
8:30 - 9:00 - Elliptical here I come! Babe decides he has to exercise with me. Stop every 2 minutes to pick him up just to have him freak because he wants down. 3 year old screams for cartoons. Nope, this is mama t.v. time. You can watch cartoons when I am done trying to burn off the baby weight of 4 kids.
9:00 -10:00 - Clean, clean, clean. Piles of laundry. Floors to be mopped (remember spilled milk). Finger prints to wipe off everything.
10:15 - "mom, i'm hungry. can I have a snack?" "Whatever, just get what you can reach in the pantry".
10:20 - babe clinging to my leg, what does he want now? I have no clue. He throws the snack I give him across the freshly mopped floor.
11:00 - babe's NAP TIME!!=mom's computer time. 3 year old, now you can go watch some cartoons. Not the best parenting skills. What's your point? Check everyone's status. Catch up on email. Switch laundry. Pay bills, balance check book. Want to cry.
12:15 - babe is in the crib screaming. Crap. Not nearly a long enough nap. Maybe if I would have remembered to feed him lunch before his nap he would still be sleeping. Oops. Make lunch for babe. He can't maneuver a fork but screams until I let him try anyway. Going to have to change those clothes. Ask 3 year old what he wants to eat. "Nothing, i'm not hungry". SHOOT! I didn't pay attention to what snack he decided to grab from the pantry. He has eaten half a bag of goldfish. Excellent lunch. Give myself a gold star for that one. Get a phone call from the school. 9 year old is checking on his insulin dosing. He is so much more responsible than me. I realize I am sweating like crazy, it is only 70 degrees in the house. That's right, I forgot to put on my deodorant.
Half the day done......to be continued.................
So here's a little look back at our 2012. It has been a ride. I've tried my darndest to sit back and enjoy. Some parts were a breeze while some were gut dropping scary. I know there were times I wanted to get off and let it all be over, but I have learned if you face what may come with courage it can be awesome......scary parts and all.
**The year started fantastically with Baylor getting the all clear from his health troubles. Woohoo, no more Primary Children's Hospital............oh wait.
**Nate and I made it to our 11th wedding anniversary without killing each other. Plus I still kinda like him. I might hold onto him for another 11 or so.
**Hello, Disneyland! Nothing like going to the happiest place on earth.
**Nate decided life wasn't spicy enough so he thought he needed to have surgery on his ankle he rolled. Nothing better than being on crutches for 6 weeks.
**I decided I couldn't let him have one up on me so I had my thyroid removed a few days after he got off crutches. Oh the sweet joy of knowing a goiter won't choke you to death in the middle of the night.
**Spent a super fun weekend in June camping in the snow. That lead to no more camping trips for the rest of the year. Mother nature -1 Wright's-0
**My family took pity on my kiddos and took them swimming since I despise it. I am the crappy reason my kids can't swim. One of these years I will conquer my battle with swimsuits and get over my complete repulsion of pool water. Don't judge me too harshly, I was there cheering them on from the sideline.
**My kiddos turned 9, 7, 3 & 1. Good thing I am still 26.
** Nate is officially one year closer to getting his Bachelor's degree. Whoop Whoop (just so you know I am raising my hands in the air as I say that. it's all about the mental picture, people).
**I have been incredibly fortunate to get to be a stay at home mom. We are truly living on love, but it works. Who cares if we don't have the dinero to have what the world considers nicer things or more in style clothing. Only my little's see me on a regular basis anyway and I know they don't care what I am wearing. Some days I am ready to run to the hills screaming but I really am thankful to get to be with my little men.
**We got to experience pure generosity from those who surround us. So many people have done so many things to help us through our bumps this year. I don't know how we will ever repay it.
** And we rounded off the year by returning to where we started. Back to Primary's. Dilon was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. It stinks to think about it long term. But on a daily basis we are doing great. He is handling it like a pro already. We are ready to kick some diabetes trash. It thinks it can mess with us. It should know better. Anything/anyone that messes with my kid better be on the lookout for a fight.
So long 2012...........we're ready to take on a new year.
Nothing says winter like layering on as many articles of clothing as possible to go play in the snow. I dread it. That's right, I will admit it. I am not the mom that enjoys pulling out all the snow gear so her kiddos can go run in it for an hour just to come in crying and screaming because they lost feeling in their limbs after ten minutes of playing. I decided to get over it, put on my mom jeans and take them out to grandpa bernie's to go sledding.
There are really no words to describe our Christmas this year. All I can say is someone blessed our lives beyond measure and we are so incredibly grateful. Whoever it may be I hope and pray the blessings will be returned tenfold.
I had been struggling knowing that this Christmas wouldn't be as.....what's the right word to use here?.......lets just say as plentiful as other years may have been. Nate kept reassuring me that it didn't matter. We were forgetting the whole meaning of Christmas. I hate it when he is right. The thing I was struggling with is how to explain to my littles why all their friends may have gotten more than them. We had our family home evening about the true meaning of Christmas. They know it's not just about presents. I still didn't want them disappointed.... I'm a mom. Then I realized I needed to get over it. So what if they weren't getting as much as other kids. Why in the world does it matter? In fact, it may be good for them. Once I realized that, I knew everything would be fine and boy was it ever.
They ended up with more this year than they have in all their other Christmas's combined. We were incredibly blessed. One (very late) night Nate was sitting on the couch in his unders (as always) and I was looking super hot once again, just out of the shower, pj's, big fluffy pink robe, slippers etc. when the doorbell rang. So we started fighting over trying to decide who was going to answer it. I lost the battle and when I opened the door I about peed my pants. I may have said a word I shouldn't have. I hope whoever had been there was not within ear shot. There was a very nice pile of gifts and food for us. And when I say nice pile, I mean it looked like they bought the whole store.
Dilon kept saying "how did we get so lucky?" It's not about luck. We are incredibly blessed. More than we deserve. There is one thing I have learned these last couple of weeks. With as much hatred and evil as there is in the world, there is still so much good. People with such amazing hearts that they will never truly know how their kind deeds bless others.
We had an incredible Christmas.
This is a year that I know will never be forgotten. I cannot wait for the day that we can pay it forward.
On another Christmas related note, let me tell you again what an awesome mother I am. Dilon is 9 and is was still a believer. He asked me several months ago if Santa was legit (after he found out from a teacher that the tooth fairy was not. That was super awesome by the way). So I asked him what he thought and he said "of course I think he's real". Sweet. He was all pumped for Christmas. Then about a week before the big day I asked him to run out to the shed to get me something. A couple minutes later he walked in and said "mom, that is the worst hiding place ever". Crappy dappy doo. I forgot we had the main Santa present out there. Since they weren't getting a lot for Christmas we couldn't switch any gifts around. There was no way to avoid telling him the truth. I shattered a kids heart about Santa a week before Christmas. What kind of a mother does that? His response to the whole thing was "how do you get the money to pay for all that? Excellent question my young friend. So, we were able to at least explain to the oldest why Christmas might not be as over the top as other years...............then the door bell rang one night and all of that changed.