I used to love going to Target

I was this close (picture me holding my thumb and pointer finger centimeters apart) to being thrown into the slammer.  Seriously, I was a little scared. 
It all started a couple of days ago when I had the bright idea to take the four kiddos to Target.....all by myself.  Really I had no choice.  My dad got married yesterday and the kids needed something to wear that didn't have a truck on it.  Or a dog.  Or a stain.  So off to shop we went.
Let me rewind just a bit.  Since school has been out grif and dax have made it their goal each and every day to torment the crap out of each other.  It is getting ridiculous.  They can't sit by each other, look at each other, breathe on each other.  So on the drive to Riverdale I am trying to keep the peace with them all and told them I would buy them pizza if they were good and didn't bug each other.  I am absolutely not above bribery.  So as soon as we walk in Target's door grif heads straight to Pizza Hut.  Excuse me sir, you have to earn that personal pan.  Get over here please, we are shopping first.  That's when it all began.  He started throwing a tantrum.  Yelling, kicking, calling me stupid.  I did my best to ignore it and headed to the clothes. Well ignoring him just added fuel to the fire.  He started punching the walls.  So I very calmly (serious sarcasm there) walked over to him and grabbed him by the arm, probably harder than I should have, got down in his face, and explained to him that he had better stop or there was going to be some serious problems.  I can only imagine what my seriously irritated face looked like to the security guard who was watching us over the camera.  How do I know the security guard was watching us?  Oh she came and approached us about 2 minutes after that little incident.  She wanted to know if everything was OK.  No lady, I want to kick my kids keister up over his shoulders.  Obviously I did not say that to her.  I just smiled and said everything was great and went on my way. 
I went on to explain to grif that the cop was watching us on the camera and she was going to arrest me for fighting with him.  More awesome parenting skills, I know.  Hearing that and seeing her in uniform must have scared him just enough that he was super good for the next 20 minutes.  But after he forgot about it, it was all down hill from there.  Grif and dax started screaming and running through the aisles and I didn't dare do anything about it for fear of being arrested.  I just know I was being watched over the cameras the rest of my shopping trip.  But dang it, grif looked cute in his new clothes at the wedding.