Swimming is overrated

How many times a week must I be reminded that I'm a crappy mom?  

I think I may have mentioned a time or two on my blog that I hate swimming.  Despise it.  How is it likable to anyone? 

 First, you have to put on a swimsuit.  Blah.  Maybe if I was tan and size 4 I wouldn't mind but since I am neither of those two things I do mind.  I mind a lot.  If swimsuits were banned forever I would be completely okay with that.  More than okay, actually.  Unless that meant people would be swimming in the buff, then I take it all back.  Swimsuits are glorious!

Second, you have to pick your swimming location:  murky lake/ocean/pond water or a swimming pool.  Neither one is a go in my book.  Murky water = weird creatures that you can't see swimming at your feet and possibly dead people (I've seen one too many scary movies).  Swimming pools = other people's nasty bodily stuff.  Pee, snot, hair....excuse me while I go vomit now.  

So to the point of this post.  My kids can't swim because I suck and I hate water.  Dilon had to go swimming for Scouts last night and couldn't pass anything off.  He is 11 and can't swim.  He told his leader it was my fault and went into some story about my repulsion of water.  I'm sure his scout leader was super impressed with me at the moment. Dilon was totally embarrassed for his lack of water skills which left me sitting in bed awake all night (I'm completely exaggerating....I love my sleep) feeling guilty. If he can blame me I can blame him too.  I put the kids in swimming lessons last year and not one of them learned a thing. I'm convinced 10 was not too late in life for him.  By that age he should have just jumped right in and taken off.

My goal for the summer of 2015:

Have at least 1 kid who can swim enough to stay alive (or pass off scouting requirements) by the end of summer.  Now how many trips to Cafe Rio will I have to give up to put them in private swimming lessons?