Friday, December 7, 2012

I need a moment

This post is just me needing to vent.  Just a warning I am having a bit of a pity party so you probably  want to stop reading now.

I know I have talked a lot lately about Dilon and his diabetes.  It is funny how one thing can change your life so much.  It is constantly on my mind.  I worry all day when he is at school.  I worry at night when we put him to bed.  I wish I had more faith that things will be okay.  I know they will.  Everything always works out the way it is supposed to.  It is just so overwhelming to know that we will always be fighting this.  He will always have to count carbs  and give himself a shot to eat instead of just sitting down and digging in like everyone else.  Yesterday was a crap day with it.  His numbers were all over the place.  Really high one minute then an hour later really low, then normal, then super low again.  So what am I doing wrong?  I swear I am doing what the nurses and doctors have advised us. The last few times he has gotten low he is shaking so bad he can barely give himself his shot, yet he refuses to let me or nate do it anymore.  We have been added to a group on facebook for families who are dealing with this.  It is horrible to hear the things that are happening to these kids at school.  Or to read about families that have been fighting this for years and are still feeling the way that I am now.  Yesterday dilon asked me if his diabetes will be gone forever when he is resurrected.  Do you know how that makes a mom feel to know her 9 year old son is thinking like that?  There is a great peace knowing that the answer to that question is a big fat YES.  One day everything will be perfect. Our bodies will be whole and our trials in this life will be a very small bump in our journey through eternity.  I know I need to just shut my mouth.  There are so many people going through way worse challenges in their lives and still I complain.....time for me to jump off the pity train now.

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